⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽⛽

These last days I found some MVs from bangtan and it really affected me.

You know, i have something for bangtan that I can't really explain. I feel like they are some kind of lost friends of mine from a parallel world. I think this is the best way I could explain it.
I just identify so so much with them in a level i've never felt before with anything. Mostly cause they're real. For example, my favorite MV is "I Need U" cause it shows their friendship and how they're happy when together. But then, it also shows their sadness and problems that are quite deep. 

I know, it's like that for everyone. No one is only happy or only sad. But, I can identify a lot with them cause I'm at their age and mostly I am sad. It seems like I can never get rid of this teenage angst and depression.

But at least they have each other (even though they don't seem to show their weakness to each other). Hmm, I'm not happy and I don't think I'll ever be.
And assuming it makes everything much easier. There is no fake hopes and happy plans. Now my biggest hope is to die as soon as possible. In any day, if I died, I wouldn't be sad. But unfortunately it's impossible to die and not hurt other people.

I was living kinda happy those last months but all the time I felt like I shouldn't, and I wanted to cry to bring it all back but I couldn't. Then someone said something that brought it all. The person wasn't rude or mean, but it hurt. I cried a lot that day and maybe in result of the  time I was repressing those feelings, I hit myself a lot that day. Sometimes I have those urges to get hurt. So I hit myself in the face and punch my arms and head. It's never enough cause I live with my family and if I show up with bruises at dinner time they'll ask questions. They can't help me anyway, so I hide it.

I have no dreams or hopes, but I'll try. The few things I really want is to travel and listen to lots of music. So, in order to live quietly and to be able to do those things, I'll live as longs as I'm alive. But always hoping for the next day is the last day.

Day Out~

Yesterday I went out with my sister and a friend of mine to downtown to see some tourist attractions here in Rio, even though we're not tourists.

Because of the Olympics, some countries opened their "houses" here. I believe they did it to promote their country so people can get interest on going to those countries. Well, it worked with me, haha.

The first one we visited and the one that I liked the most was the House of Colombia. My sister was looking forward for it because she REALLY LOVES COFFEE and they were giving colombian coffee for free :)

 

I asked for the traditional coffee (the black one) and my sister asked for Cappuccino. The baristas were really cute cause they couldn't speak portuguese ^^ 

 

Inside of the "house" was original products from Colombia. There was a lot of coffee and also various types of nuts. 

I think I would like to visit Colombia someday.

After that we found a renewed park. A lot of parks were reformed for the Olympics, the city is much more beautiful, but there's still a lot of things wrong.

This place is perfect for go skating. And even if you fall it's not much shameful because the isn't much people who can see it.

Oh, we ended up finding the olympic pyre. Unfoutunately it was very very crowded in there with TOO MANY people taking selfies.
Honestly, brazilian tourists are the worst.

To The Struggling You (힘들어하는 너에게) - Woo Yerin (우예린) [LYRICS]

Hangul

사람들 붐비는 퇴근버스
머릴 기대고 앉아
눈을 감고 노랠 들으면
하루의 끝이 인사해

싫어하는 사람도
좋아하는 사람도
웃으며 만나야 했던 오늘
수고했다고 나를 다독여
집으로 옮기는 발걸음

나도 모르게 흐르는 눈물
소리없이 삼키던 날처럼
달려가는 사람들 틈에서
걱정만 하진 않을까

잘하고 있어 소중한 사람
넌 예쁜 사람이야

한숨 섞인 조언과
기대 없는 말들로
작은 희망도 웅크리던 날
애써 웃으며 나를 다독여
집으로 옮기는 발걸음

나도 모르게 흐르는 눈물
소리없이 삼키던 날처럼
달려가는 사람들 틈에서
걱정만 하진 않을까

희미해진 내 길 위에서
모두들 고개를 내저어도
잘 할 수 있어 또 나를 다독여
조금만 더 힘을 내줘

잘하고 있어 소중한 사람
넌 예쁜 사람이야

Translation

白米 あなたが 恋人❣

Holaa! 

The past days has been fun since my sister is back :)

I'm happy, and the songs I've listening to are too!

The best type of music for when you're happy is japanese music, so i've been listening to Nicole Fujita and Nogizaka46.

Bye Bye from Nicole Fujita is actually her first album, as i found out. Her album is quite good and the theme song "bye bye" is really good. I liked it at first. If you want to know the lyrics: here is the LINK

and the MV is HERE.

And the Nogizaka46's music that I said before is Hakumai Sama from their 裸足でSUMMER album. This song is cute and it talks about being in love with rice (●♡∀♡) I loove rice! 

Check out the lyrics: ⇾ link

The PV link

I like to look for new japanese songs cause it helps me with my studies.

It is better to learn new words or expressions and memorize them easier cause they're in a song with a context.

I wish I could pay for an actual Japanese language course.

This could be a reason to get a job, so i could pay for it.

I'll keep it in my mind.

 =================

⛿ Found a little more about myself

Argh, i keep forgetting to write in here and then when I do I end up wanting to write about too many things.

Well, I've wasting my time quite shamefully. I wish i'd want to do something. Sometimes I feel that I want is to support the people I love.
But that's not possible, right? So I should get something quickly. 
I'll try.

Right now I'm just enjoying this time that my sister is back home. And I was able to see more my other sister too. It's nice to spend time with them.

Uhm, I think I found "my style". I've been worrying about it for some time cause it didn't matter what I was wearing I always felt like it wasn't myself.
But I think it's grunge. It's perfect cause I always thought that I really wanted the 90's style and after some searching I remembered that it is called grunge, haha.
I think it express myself quite well. As I'm going out tomorrow i think i'll make some window shopping and try to see what's available for me outside.

Tomorrow I'll be watching SUICIDE SQUAD with my sister and I'm very excited! (^o^)/ I don't care much about the reviews people has been making so I'll just go watch it with an open heart. But I think I'll like it anyway.

I hope tomorrow to be a god day.
Bye~! 

P.S.:Screencap from Nogizaka46's MV Hakumai Sama (白米様）

 I've been listening and loving this song

As a Rice lover myself I relate to the lyrics a lot :)