New years' resolutions

So, the new year is uncomfortably close and I'll have to face my new future soon.

Actually is not that dramatic but what is life without drama? haha.

Anyway, I started to come up with some resolutions and I ended up with a number equivalent to what I haven't done in the past 3 years.

And they are...

- Get a job.

- Attend to medical appointments properly

- Be more active in general

- Treat people better (especially my mom but it's going to be really hard)

- Read 50 books just like Bill Gates, haha.

These are the ones.

I must try really hard to make them come true.

Good luck for me and everyone ツ

Byeee~ 🐷

The attemp

I just made orange and carrot juice for me. I always feel good when it feel like I'm looking after myself.
But I cut my hand as I peeled the orange.

The point is, I was just reading an article about accepting failure and how it is essencial to an restart.

That's exactly what I need.

That must be one of the reasons I can't go on so I decided I would try talking about it.

Unfourtunatly I still don't live alone so I'll have to write it here.

I guess in my head, i failed from the start.
From a long time ago I started pressing myself inside of me cause I was ashamed of myself. I tried to live as anything except myself. And I think it went up till now. I must start gathering pieces of myself now and try to create a clear image.

And I feel that I'm really really stupid. For this, I feel ashamed of being hired for job cause I would be good-for-nothing and maybe cause problems to my co workers.

Or maybe not. Sometimes I think that actually I'm pretty capable of having a job and being useful for someone. But never needed.

It's stupid... I should. I should be talking all this.

I'll try.

Bye~

Hell Above

It's getting ridiculous already.

Why can't I choose? Its just fucking choose!

It seems like I get a breakdown everytime I try to do it.
When I'm on medicine its possible but when the med is done everything goes back.

Maybe I should think that i gotta do it cause It will be better simply and not because I'm getting old or just because I should.

Whatever.

The worst part is to think that I still have many years left to live.

I'll get so fucked up.

My head is burning my heart is aching.

Breathing failing as usual.

Whatever, fuck all this.