I just made orange and carrot juice for me. I always feel good when it feel like I'm looking after myself. But I cut my hand as I peeled the orange. The point is, I was just reading an article about accepting failure and how it is essencial to an restart. That's exactly what I need.
That must be one of the reasons I can't go on so I decided I would try talking about it.
Unfourtunatly I still don't live alone so I'll have to write it here.
I guess in my head, i failed from the start. From a long time ago I started pressing myself inside of me cause I was ashamed of myself. I tried to live as anything except myself. And I think it went up till now. I must start gathering pieces of myself now and try to create a clear image. And I feel that I'm really really stupid. For this, I feel ashamed of being hired for job cause I would be good-for-nothing and maybe cause problems to my co workers. Or maybe not. Sometimes I think that actually I'm pretty capable of having a job and being useful for someone. But never needed. It's stupid... I should. I should be talking all this.
I can't believe christmas is really close (like,less than 30 days until christmas!) This year it will be a little different for my friend is living with us now. But christmas days has been really boring for us because since my father left our house cause it seems that now there is no reason to play good family anymore. At least to me.
So I gave the idea for us to watch movies this years, like this we will have something to do and it won't be that awkward. I hope everyone accepts it.
But I am REALLY excited for a christmas event that is going to happen in a club we go to. If I don't find it too embarassing on the day I want to take a picture with santa 😆
Anyway, christmas has become a bothering event for me, so now I just gotta get through it the best way I can.
So, I tried to make an experience of creating another blog to use as a journal. I was liking it but suddenly, (real suddenly) I missed writing about music :( And 10 minutes after I came here :D
I should've known that a blog without music would have failed. Not that this one is success, but it succeeded in my heart💖
So, Let's talk about music! I recently decided to finally listen to Block B's sub unit and I loved it. It's BASTARZ. Just the name itself is great. The first song I heard was Conduct Zero. It's soo good. It's overflowing with rebellion and wrecklessness. Kinda remind me of Suicide Squad style. Then I started looking for more Block B's songs, and Bastarz as well. I found:
- Unordinary Girl,Block B - Make it Rain,BASTARZ - A Few Years Later,Block B - Selfish and Beautiful Girl,Block B (MY FAVORITE)
And I intend to keep track on their activities from now on.
Of course, as I just met them,I started to search to know more about the members and they are quite cool. I just think that they really ain't got talent for variety shows😂 Every one of them are excentric on their own way.
If I had to choose, the member I liked the most is P.O. I was impressed when I found he is the maknae cause he is really tall and... sexy ( I feel embarassed as I write this)
But he is soooo cute *u* I love his child way of being. His voice is also marvelous. Quite remember TOP's voice, and the appearance too...
Ah, and he was the on that made my favorite song from bastarz ("Selfish and Beautiful Girl" as you can see above).
Hmm, the last song I heard of them was "A Few Years Later". It was fun at the first time, while I watched I was liking it already and then, when P.O.'s part came, I swear my heart skipped a beat and then started beating fast. I was amazed by his part. His voice, the rythm AND the MV... WOW. Just really perfect.
And then I remembered why I like music more than people: music can make my heart beat fast just as people do, but with a good feeling.
Anyway, I took some pictures from the MV:
See? everything is perfect: The lighting(is blue), Him, on a suit, drinking and suffering. Not that I enjoy seeing him suffering but I relate to that so i feel well.
So that's it. Now I'm officially back and will write here forever. byee~ 🐓
Tenho escutado muitas músicas novas esse mês, então decidi fazer uma listinha aqui com elas. Estou encontrando bandas japonesas boas pelo youtube, principalmente bandas femininas. É fácil encontrar grupos pop femininos (aos montes) mas bandas, nem tanto. Essas foram as músicas:
Block B - Toy
Agust D - Agust D
N (VIXX) - Higher Than Me [cover]
SHE IS SUMMER - とびきりのおしゃれして別れ話を
SHISHAMO - がたんごとん
Kis My Ft2 - You're a Liar♥ （Fujigaya Taisuke 「藤ヶ谷太輔」）
CASPA - The End of The World
1~ Essa é a segunda música que eu conheço do Block B. A única que eu conhecia era "HER" que eu acho beem diferente de TOY. Minha parte preferida é a do P.O. A voz dele lembra a do TOP do BIG BANG (o rosto tbm eu acho,rs). Ouvi bastante essa música :) Link do MV
2~ A primeira vez que eu ouvi essa música fiquei confusa e um pouco assustada. Estou acostumada a ouvir o suga nas músicas do Bangtan e de repente ela solta uma mixtape assim. Depois do susto, gostei muito da música. Adoro a voz do Suga nela, é bem forte e gosto de músicas que expressam raiva. Link do MV
3~ Essa música me deixa tão calma... :) A voz do N aqui está realmente de um anjo. Achei que combinou muito com ele, já que ele mesmo diz que gosta de voz doce. Mas a lestra da música é MUITO triste, já que fala de morte e sobre pensar sempre na pessoa que se foi. Gostaria de ouvir mais músicas desse estilo com o N, já que combina muito com ele. Link do MV (com tradução) e o MV original
4~ Na verdade conheci essa música um tempinho atrás, por alguma razão não encontrei mais. Essa música é muito fofinha ^^. A letra não parece ser tão feliz não, mas não encontro nem a letra em japonês dela então tá difícil de saber alguma coisa da letra. Parece que essa cantora fazia parte de um grupo antes e esse é o álbum de estreia dela como cantora solo. Gostei bastante dessa música, principalmente da voz dela :) Só espero um dia encontrar a letra... Link do MV
5~ Literalmente descobri essa banda hoje, mas já acho que pode entar pra lista de melhores do mês. Parece que é bem comum bandas femininas (só de meninas) no Japão, e elas são boas mesmo. Gostei muito do estilo dessa banda. Acho que elas são uma espécie de rock indie (não?). Acho que vale a pena ficar de olho nessa banda e procurar mais músicas delas. Link do MV
6~ Achei essa música com um estilo bem diferente do que o Kisumai faz geralmente, e gostei muito. O pianinho sinistro e o barulho de porta no início e no final da música são as melhores partes. Aguardo pacientemente algum anjo da internet fazer a tradução.
7~ Conheci essa música pelo seriado "Good Morning Call" que toca no final dos episódios. Mais uma banda feminina que parece ser boa. Consegui ouvir essa música vezes seguidas. O ritmo é muito bom e ela canta bem também. Infelizmente é mais uma música que não encontro a letra nem em japonês.
---------------------------------------
E são essas as músicas. Acho que vou fazer isso sempre, uma lista de músicas do mês. Na escola eu já tinha esse hábito de fazer listas e escrever letras das músicas, era mais pelo tédio mas comecei a gostar de fazer isso. Eu chegava a baixar 20 músicas por mês ás vezes, mas geralmente eram umas 10, 11. Sempre gostei muito de música por mil razões como me ajudar em fases difícies (que era tantas, mais fácil contar as fáceis) até em apredizagem de um idioma novo. Espero ser assim pra sempre :) バイバイ~
These last days I found some MVs from bangtan and it really affected me. You know, i have something for bangtan that I can't really explain. I feel like they are some kind of lost friends of mine from a parallel world. I think this is the best way I could explain it. I just identify so so much with them in a level i've never felt before with anything. Mostly cause they're real. For example, my favorite MV is "I Need U" cause it shows their friendship and how they're happy when together. But then, it also shows their sadness and problems that are quite deep. I know, it's like that for everyone. No one is only happy or only sad. But, I can identify a lot with them cause I'm at their age and mostly I am sad. It seems like I can never get rid of this teenage angst and depression. But at least they have each other (even though they don't seem to show their weakness to each other). Hmm, I'm not happy and I don't think I'll ever be. And assuming it makes everything much easier. There is no fake hopes and happy plans. Now my biggest hope is to die as soon as possible. In any day, if I died, I wouldn't be sad. But unfortunately it's impossible to die and not hurt other people.
I was living kinda happy those last months but all the time I felt like I shouldn't, and I wanted to cry to bring it all back but I couldn't. Then someone said something that brought it all. The person wasn't rude or mean, but it hurt. I cried a lot that day and maybe in result of the time I was repressing those feelings, I hit myself a lot that day. Sometimes I have those urges to get hurt. So I hit myself in the face and punch my arms and head. It's never enough cause I live with my family and if I show up with bruises at dinner time they'll ask questions. They can't help me anyway, so I hide it.
I have no dreams or hopes, but I'll try. The few things I really want is to travel and listen to lots of music. So, in order to live quietly and to be able to do those things, I'll live as longs as I'm alive. But always hoping for the next day is the last day.
Yesterday I went out with my sister and a friend of mine to downtown to see some tourist attractions here in Rio, even though we're not tourists. Because of the Olympics, some countries opened their "houses" here. I believe they did it to promote their country so people can get interest on going to those countries. Well, it worked with me, haha. The first one we visited and the one that I liked the most was the House of Colombia. My sister was looking forward for it because she REALLY LOVES COFFEE and they were giving colombian coffee for free :)
I asked for the traditional coffee (the black one) and my sister asked for Cappuccino. The baristas were really cute cause they couldn't speak portuguese ^^
Inside of the "house" was original products from Colombia. There was a lot of coffee and also various types of nuts.
I think I would like to visit Colombia someday.
After that we found a renewed park. A lot of parks were reformed for the Olympics, the city is much more beautiful, but there's still a lot of things wrong.
This place is perfect for go skating. And even if you fall it's not much shameful because the isn't much people who can see it. Oh, we ended up finding the olympic pyre. Unfoutunately it was very very crowded in there with TOO MANY people taking selfies. Honestly, brazilian tourists are the worst.
The past days has been fun since my sister is back :)
I'm happy, and the songs I've listening to are too!
The best type of music for when you're happy is japanese music, so i've been listening to Nicole Fujita and Nogizaka46.
Bye Bye from Nicole Fujita is actually her first album, as i found out. Her album is quite good and the theme song "bye bye" is really good. I liked it at first. If you want to know the lyrics: here is the LINK
And the Nogizaka46's music that I said before is Hakumai Sama from their 裸足でSUMMER album. This song is cute and it talks about being in love with rice (●♡∀♡) I loove rice!
Argh, i keep forgetting to write in here and then when I do I end up wanting to write about too many things. Well, I've wasting my time quite shamefully. I wish i'd want to do something. Sometimes I feel that I want is to support the people I love. But that's not possible, right? So I should get something quickly. I'll try. Right now I'm just enjoying this time that my sister is back home. And I was able to see more my other sister too. It's nice to spend time with them. Uhm, I think I found "my style". I've been worrying about it for some time cause it didn't matter what I was wearing I always felt like it wasn't myself. But I think it's grunge. It's perfect cause I always thought that I really wanted the 90's style and after some searching I remembered that it is called grunge, haha. I think it express myself quite well. As I'm going out tomorrow i think i'll make some window shopping and try to see what's available for me outside.
Tomorrow I'll be watching SUICIDE SQUAD with my sister and I'm very excited! (^o^)/ I don't care much about the reviews people has been making so I'll just go watch it with an open heart. But I think I'll like it anyway. I hope tomorrow to be a god day. Bye~!
P.S.:Screencap from Nogizaka46's MV Hakumai Sama (白米様）
I've been listening and loving this song
As a Rice lover myself I relate to the lyrics a lot :)
I’m confused and embarrassed Ever since I got to know you Why? What is going on? With words I don’t even understand I’m going here and there and only smiling How should I think of you? You are too difficult to me
I’m such a fool, I only look at you My head is stopping, it’s getting blank I can’t stop it, I didn’t even know I’m finding out my heart Can I take just one more step to find out? Hey, I really think That something is stuck in my throat Maybe love
I’m mumbling again Whenever I’m in front of you How did I become so pathetic? When you see the frustrating me You keep laughing, what’s so funny?
In this moment, the me reflected in your eyes How clumsy do I look? I’m curious about your hidden heart If only that heart would ride with the wind And come over to me
I’m such a fool, I only look at you I’m smiling several times, it’s getting worse I can’t win, the whole world alreadyçl knows Can I take just one more step so we can start? Hey, I really think That I’ve completely fallen for you Fall in love
Hangul
헷갈리고 난감해
너를 알고부터 난 그래
도대체 왜 이래 다 무슨 일인지
알 수 없는 말들로
날 이리저리 헤집어놓고 웃음만
어떻게 널 생각해야 할까
넌 내겐 너무 어려운 걸
바보 같은 난 너만 보는 난
머릿속이 멈춰지는데 멍해지는데
막을 수 없어 나도 몰랐었던
내 맘까지 들키곤 해
한 걸음만 더 한 걸음만 더
다가가서 확인해보면 알게 될까
있잖아 아무래도 난 말야
목에 자꾸 뭐가 걸린 듯해 Maybe love
할 말을 또 흐리네
너만 앞에 두면 난 그래
어쩌다 이렇게 한심해졌는지
답답한 날 보면서
넌 뭐가 그리 재미있다고 웃음만
이 순간 네 눈에 비친 나는
얼마나 어설퍼 보일까
바보 같은 난 너만 보는 난
머릿속이 멈춰지는데 멍해지는데
막을 수 없어 나도 몰랐었던
내 맘까지 들키곤 해
한 걸음만 더 한 걸음만 더
다가가서 확인해보면 알게 될까
있잖아 아무래도 난 말야
목에 자꾸 뭐가 걸린 듯해 Maybe love
숨겨둔 네 맘이 궁금한 그 맘이
바람 타고 내게
남김없이 다 전해지면 좋을 텐데
바보 같은 난 너만 보는 난
몇 번이나 웃게 되는데 심해지는데
이길 수 없어 이미 온 세상에
내 마음을 들켰나 봐
한 걸음만 더 한 걸음만 더
다가가서 시작해보면 알게 될까
있잖아 아무래도 난 말야
내가 꼼짝없이 빠진 듯해 Fall in love
아련한 봄날 우리 시간
다 잊었어도 난 괜찮아
너의 미소가 흐려져도
내 옆에 있어 난 충분해
내 앞에 있는 네 모습이
혹시나 다시 사라질까
매일 걱정해 또 다시 날
떠나 버릴까 봐
But I know I see you
나는 널 기억해 약속처럼
Yes I know I feel you
하나인 우리 그날처럼
널 사랑해
아직 너에게 못다한 말
가슴에 남아 맴도는데
이제는 그저 혼잣말로
되뇌이기만 해
But I know I see you
나는 널 기억해 약속처럼
Yes I know I feel you
하나인 우리 그날처럼
널 사랑해
오랜 시간이 지나도
점점 더 선명해져
지나간 시간들을 잡고
놓지를 못해
I can’t forget you
난 오늘도 너를 불러
I see you
나는 널 기억해 약속처럼
Yes I know I feel you
하나인 우리 그날처럼
널 사랑해
I see you
나는 널 기억해 약속처럼
Yes I know I feel you
하나인 우리 그날처럼
널 사랑해
Translation
Our faint spring, our times together
It’s alright even if we forget
Even if your smile fades
You’re next to me, that’s enough for me
You, standing in front of me
What if you disappear again?
I worry every day
That you’ll leave me again
But I know I see you
I remember you like a promise
Yes I know I feel you
We are one, just like that day
I love you
Words I couldn’t tell you yet
They linger in my heart
Now I just repeat it to myself
But I know I see you
I remember you like a promise
Yes I know I feel you
We are one, just like that day
I love you
Even after a long time
You get clearer in my mind
I’m holding onto the past
I can’t let go
I can’t forget you
Again today, I’m calling out to you
But I know I see you
I remember you like a promise
Yes I know I feel you
We are one, just like that day
I love you
But I know I see you
I remember you like a promise
Yes I know I feel you
We are one, just like that day
I love you
Source: klyrics.net/popgasa.com
-----------------------------
I'M REALLY LOVING THIS SONG <3 span="">
I don't know why lol. It is making me want to watch the drama (Entertainer). It's been a time since i've watched a kdrama.
I really like the lyrics. It must be good this feeling of having someone who is precious for you that you don't want to lose. I can barely find people who are real -_-
People seem so fake most of the time, it's tiresome.
That is why this song makes me happy and sad at the same time. But MinHyuk's voice is so cool. I've never heard him sing this type of song. He sang the song "Star" for Heartstrings OST too, but it was a more romantic and calm song, this one i quite rock. It reminds me of Nickelback back in the days:)
I'll just leave this pic here cause we can't forget how MinHyuk was in Heartstrings.
I only found it because i searched a part of the song in japanese on google and a page came out (the link on the word "source"). I wrote: "少しあと少しだけ"
I barely understood what page was that. I think it was a page of the (nine's fan club and some angel fan submitted the lyrics on.
I used the cover edition of Hirona Murata because she's the one who I like the most of the group. I think this group is really cool. They sing well and they're somewhat different from the usual (kinda lame) groups.
Nemutai houkago mado kara miorosu
Harukaze nabiite hitoyasumi
Mabushii sekai ni katame wo tsumureba
Utsushidasu keshiki odoridasu
Tayorinai kuchibue aozora ni fukeba
Ashidori mo chotto karuku naru
Sawagashii machikado IYAHON hazushite
Miagetara tooku koe ga suru
Oh Oh Oh
Saa hi no hikari abite yuruyaka ni
Itsumo no kyou ga hajimaru
SANSHAIN to inemuri suru
Kokochi ii basho kimi no tonari de
lalalalalala hajimaru boku no SUTOORII
Kedaruge na soramoyou yoteigai tenki
Hirusagari kyuu na tooriame
Akubi wo shitetara aozora nozoite
Ko wo egaite sutto niji kakaru
CHAIMU ga hibiite mado kara te wo furu
Miagetara tooku kimi ga yobu
Oh Oh Oh
Saa hi no hikari abite yuruyaka ni
Itsumo no kyou ga hajimaru
SANSHAIN to inemuri shiyou
Kokochi ii RIZUMU de shinkokyuu
Nani mo iwanakute mo ii nante
Fushigi na kankei
Doushite darou? Sore dake de
Tsuyoku nareru ki ga suru yo
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Saa hi no hikari abite yuruyaka ni
Itsumo no kyou ga hajimaru
SANSHAIN to inemuri suru
Kokochi ii basho kimi no tonari de
lalalalalala yasashiku mune ni hibiiteru
Hey o/ I've been reading a lot of Manga and Webtoon these days. It's really cool.
I'm reading "Tanaka-kun is always Lazy"(田中くんはいつもけだるげ） and the webtoon "Cheese In The trap". Fun fact is that the manga is Japanese and the webtoon is korean.
Cheese in the trap I got to know because I watched the korean drama which has the same name, before, and I really liked it. Now I'm enjoying more watching dramas where the main characters are adults. I like to take notes about relationship too, cause 'im really bad with people. And i think it is the first time that i see the main character (Jung) as a scary person. Until the end i kept thinking that Jung somehow looked like a psycopath.
About the manga/anime I found it on Crunchyroll.com as an anime wich is a new site for me and it's reeealy cool to watch anime there.This anime is quite new, i think it's on the 3rd episode. This manga was in the section of "Slice-of-life" and i discovered that this is my favorite genre of anime! Is actually the only type of anime that i bare to watch because i find it hard to bare the girls voices on normal animes. It's just too much. So i like calm animes like these :)
I'm enjoying a lot these two. Tanaka reminds me of myself no too long ago. Not that i'm an active person, but now i'm beiyng forced to be more active because i'm getting old and i have to plan how i'm going to be able to pay for my food. I still think that people try too hard to give a meaning to life, haha. Calm down people.
And the webtoon i'm reading mostly cause i really liked the drama and i saw that it was still ongoing so i want to see the story after the drama. Nothing special, just it really. oh, i'm also reading the second book of the trilogy "The Lord of The Rings" :) I love this movie since i was a child now i'm finally reading the books.
I walked on the road you used to walk on
Because I was curious to see if it meant the same to me
The nighttime when the heart grows cold again
Seems like your emotions that I don’t know of
I look at my side that suddenly feels strange
I’m next to you and you’re caring for me
Just like our hearts that we’re becoming more used to
I can’t seem to draw it out
Because you held onto me, who shakes with the littlest words
You treated me warmly when I was clumsy with everything
You held me when I was being foolish because it was my first time
I drawing a blank again
Dust is settling
Dust is building up again
No one is in my heart
Dust is settling
Days when I only looked forward and ran
You held onto me, who resembled you
My heart was able to rest because I Was next to you
I smiled when you smiled
On the way to you, there was excitement
On the way back, there was emptiness
Loneliness
I want to see you longer
Slowly, slowly
I wanna hug even your long shadow
I wanna embrace you
I wanna hug you
You suddenly came inside of me
Asking me to eat with you
I fell for that unfamiliar, unknown look
Hangul
당신 가던 길을 가만 걸어봤어
내게 같은 의미일지 궁금해서
다시 마음이 추워지는 밤이 오면
모를 네 감정 같아서
문득 낯선 네 곁을 돌아봐
네 옆의 나 나를 챙기는 너
점점 익숙해져가는
우리 마음처럼
잘 그려지지가 않아
작은 한마디에 흔들리는
나를 잡아주는 너라서
모든 게 서툰 날
따스히 대해준 너
처음이라 어리숙한 날
안아준 너라서
난 다시 멍해져
먼지가 앉는다
다시 먼지가 쌓인다
아무도 기웃거리지 않는
내 맘에 먼지가 앉는다
앞만 보며 달려오던 날
잡아준 날 닮은 너
네가 옆에 있어 맘이 놓여
너의 웃는 모습에 나도 웃고 말아
가는 길에 기대감이
오는 길에 허전함이
쓸쓸함이
더 오래 보고 싶어
천천히 천천히
너의 긴 그림자도 안아주고파
감싸주고파
안아주고파
갑자기 내 안에 들어와
밥 먹자던 그 낯선 모를 시선에
난 빠져들어
오늘 너는 내가 미웠겠지
가끔 나도 내가 미운데
그래도 넌 날 미워하지 말아줘
그냥 날 알아봐 줄 순 없을까
누가 뭐래도 내가 어떻든
Cheese in the trap
all the things 모든 순간
모든 감정들마다 다 널 담고 싶어
Cheese in the trap
문득 널 처음 본 날이 기억나
우리 마주쳤던
그 날 같은 별이 켜지고 있어
너는 이렇게 내게 자꾸 커져
누가 뭐래도 네가 어떻든
Cheese in the trap
all the things 모든 순간
모든 감정들마다 다 널 담고 싶어
Cheese in the trap
If all things are gone
I hope you are the only one
who left with me at the end
Cheese in the trap 모든 순간
Cheese in the trap 모든 감정
Cheese in the trap
all the things 모든 순간
모든 감정들마다 다 널 담고 싶어
Cheese in the trap
Translation
You must have been mad at me today
Sometimes even I hate myself
But please don't be mad at me
Can't you just see me?
Whatever people say, I am
Cheese in the trap
All the things
In every moment
In every sentiment, I want to fill you in
Cheese in the trap
I think back to the first day that I saw you
When we ran into each other
Stars like that day are turning on
Just like this, you are getting bigger and bigger in me
Whatever people say, You are
Cheese in the trap
All the things
In every moment
In every sentiment, I want to fill you in
Cheese in the trap
If all things are gone
I hope you are the only one
who left with me at the end
Cheese in the trap in every moment
Cheese in the trap in every sentiment
Cheese in the trap
all the things in every moment
In every sentiment, I want to fill you in
Cheese in the trap
